I’ve been wanting to write for the last two days but work demanded that I give it my undivided attention. In between confused and rude patients and family members, being Resource Nurse, helpful as well as crude managers, patient falls, and just being downright tired, I just couldn’t get back to writing. Nevertheless, this blog has been on my mind for the last two days.
Yesterday, at work, I realized that my coworkers talk about me and very seldom do they have very positive things to say. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised because they talk about everyone. If they gossip about everyone else, why should I be an exception? I remember I use to ask them whenever they gossiped to me about someone else, “What do you think about me then?” but very seldom do they say anything to me directly. They think I’m nice. But I know the fact that I’m always so laid back and smiling makes them feel like they can’t tell when I’m being serious or struggling. But I guess it doesn’t matter. I’ll leave bedside nursing soon enough.
If I remember correctly, this was one of the reasons why I chose to shut down my clairsentient and claircognizant abilities a few years back. I didn’t want to deal with all of that discomfort. Nothing’s more uncomfortable than knowing something and feeling something and having people completely deny it or act like it’s not really the case. It use to make me feel like I was crazy or just completely insecure. But I promised myself to trust myself whole-heartedly. And a big part of that is learning to do so even when it’s uncomfortable. So this is what I’ve been picking up at work in the last few days.