Allowing myself to reconnect with myself has been good for me. I feel as though I’ve begun to find my voice, to believe in myself, and to find that love and joy in myself again. I’ve accepted that I don’t have to have “the perfect life” in order to keep on growing. I don’t have to have everything worked out perfectly and well understood in the third dimension in order to move forward. I spent a few years chasing my own tail trying to do just that. I was so overwhelmed. But I know now that that’s not necessary. The lonely birds have left me taking with it the belief that companionship was the sole purpose for relationships. At work, I am more comfortable sitting in a corner and reading or finding a nice quiet spot to google things I’m interested in. Tomorrow, I might take myself to a movie.
From the age of 19 to now, I have sought outside sources for information because I just could not accept that everything I needed was inside of myself. I had a very hard time accepting that spiritual experience and encounter with the Divine. Despite all of the signs that pushed me to look inward, it just seemed as though so much of this world was geared towards looking outwards, uniformity, and finding beliefs that “fit” with the rest. I was more immature then and was very afraid of going crazy or seeming crazy. I went to counseling to receive validation on my sanity. This then led to me joining forums and later speaking with psychics. I just wanted them to confirm my experiences for me. If my experiences weren’t confirmed, then I’d begin to doubt them. I did this with my partner, with my spiritual encounter with the Divine, with all sort of signs and synchronicities that I experienced in my life. I wanted them to conform to some sort of collective reality because then I wouldn’t feel so different. It took me a few years but finally I think I can accept my differences.
I finally accept that the information I seek exists within me. I accept that the best validation I can ever receive is the one that I give to myself. I accept that my life and my experiences will not be interpreted the same way by others and that I am a unique being (though still a part of the larger whole). I’ve finally accepted this and it’s opened a whole new world for me to explore within myself. I’m very grateful.