A patient was having a dialysis central line inserted a few days ago and I had to be present for the procedure. I was perfectly fine with this because it was simply going to be an incision and then an insertion of a central catheter into one of the veins running through the femur. No biggie! It’s not like I was going to observe a birth. FYI, for those who don’t know, I wanted to work in maternity and women’s health when I was in nursing UNTIL I saw a cesarean section and then a vaginal birth. For each procedure, I would be on the verge of passing out. Just the sight of the vagina opening to present the baby, or the rip in the stomach, all the tugging as the baby is born, pale and blue as the kid in the grudge and then suddenly experiencing a burst of color and then a loud, high pitched cry! It was too much of a nightmare scene for me and it actually caused me to rethink children and the idea that I wanted to be a maternity nurse.
Anyways, during this procedure, I just had to stand there and assist as needed. But the moment the cut was made and the line was being inserted, I began to notice a bit of a struggle, saw the continuous flow of blood, my stomach began to turn. I had to keep telling myself, “be strong c-nite. It’s only blood. It’s just blood. This is just a normal surgical procedure, a routine cut, you’ll be okay!” My head started to spin and I started to feel a flash and then a wave of heat rushed over. All I wanted to do was sit down, but couldn’t. I had to be present for the entire procedure. It was awful.
The weird part about this is that two years ago, I was in the operating room observing as someone had gastric bypass surgery. I was completely fascinated as they removed the stomach. I even got to play with it in the surgical tray, to feel it, to observe it! I’ve witnessed other surgeries as well and didn’t experience any discomfort, didn’t even have to encourage myself to be brave. Nowadays, it’s like my symptoms are getting worse and I can’t seem to find any interest whatsoever in these procedures. I think it’s a sign that I need to leave and soon!