Life Beyond The Fear

A year from now you’ll wish you had started today.

I kind of wish I had started working out last year. But I think I was so focused on other things that I just didn’t have the energy. I felt so old back then. It’s funny looking back at where I came from. I feel like back then I clung very tightly to the concept of “growing up”. I’m not exactly sure why. I think I just felt like hitting 30 would’ve make everything in life so much more manageable. But really, turning 30 isn’t any different than turning 18, 19, or 23. It’s what you learned and how you applied it that really matters.

I’m still trying to learn more about travel nursing and figure out a decent benefits package plan for myself. I’m also trying to use this time to learn more of the skills that I didn’t really get an opportunity to learn in Med/Surg. Yesterday, I was able to insert two foley catheters into two obese sized women with only one try. Honestly, the only other skill I want to perfect before I leave is inserting an IV catheter into a person. When I volunteered in the ED as a student nurse, they would always try to teach me how to start one. I was able to start a few, but I was such a scared nurse in training back then that I kind of made things harder for myself than it needed to be. I want to try again now as the confident RN that I am. Honestly, the fact that I wasn’t afraid made inserting those foley catheters that much easier. The fact that I wasn’t afraid also made drawing blood that much easier as well. Life is better beyond the fear.

I’m not trying to recapture what was lost anymore. I know that sounds really vague. But for a moment in time, I couldn’t let go of the bad that happened to me, my experiences with racism and religiosity while in college being one of them. I really took that into myself, blamed myself, and allowed it to cripple me. But I survived it. And I learned that liking others and treating everyone with respect and with dignity does not mean that others will do the same. Some people, because of biases of their own, do not see you as their equal. Some people do not want to see you at all. And that’s kind of mind boggling but it does happen and I think it served to make me more aware. I’m not the naive girl I use to be. I’m looking forward now.


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