As I continue to work on myself and my solar plexus and throat chakra, more and more realizations continue to come up for me to observe, acknowledge, process, and release or embrace. I know that much of life is a choice, conscious or unconscious and as am more conscious now of the choices I make, I realize that there’s certain decisions that I made, unconsciously, that have affected my life and so I’m going through the process of reversing them and taking back control of my life.
In the past, I have had a tendency of relinquishing control and power to the opposite sex. In turn, they have often let me down. I’m sure a lot of people have both had and not had this experience and I think that that’s both great and not so great respectively. lol But relationships as I understand them, for many people, has involved some kind of need and expectation from their partner to act, think, feel, believe, etc a certain way. Otherwise, conflict ensues. And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Conflict can be good. But, I have found that a lot of people have expectations from a partner that i am unwilling to fulfill. And the ones that I have allowed myself to attempt to fulfill, I no longer intend to do so.
I’m already a complete person with wonderful gifts, talents, and abilities. I also realize that I’m a very strong person. I’m not willing to compromise that for people anymore in order to make them feel more adequate or more comfortable in the skin they’re in. I’m not going to reduce myself or become a shrinking violet in order to make people feel good about themselves anymore. I have a tendency to see everyone as my peers and I care a good deal about people but I acknowledge now that not everyone is aware of their own inner power and beauty and ability to overcome and so even though we are all connected, and equal, the level of awareness that exists inside of another person can and often does affect the energy they put into the world. And this energy can affect me if I allow it to. So no, I cannot allow everyone into my life. And I trust my gut on people and situations when it alerts me. I’m in control of my life, I have as much right to speak my truth as anyone else, and I no longer care if that means I’ll never find a guy on my level or who I connect to anymore. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am not going to give the power and the control I have over my life, my self-esteem and my self-worth to another person or group of people anymore.