I’m enjoying my time in Iowa. I enjoy it because of how much open land exists and how little there is to do here. And yet, there are bits and pieces of interesting places to see and delicious food to eat. But there’s so little to do here that no one is trying to get me to “get out there” and do more. People for the most part are helpful and pleasant but at the same time they leave me alone. And I like that.
Being in Iowa has given me a new awareness and a new appreciation for life and living and moving forward and letting go and the rhythms and patterns of life that most days, even when my life feels slow, I still feel like I’m swimming with the current as opposed to against it. It all feels good.
I think the best part of coming to Iowa has much to do with the realizations leading up to coming here. For some reason, everything started to compound and i felt this huge urge to just release it once and for all. And it started by taking a glimpse of the events that transpired in 2010 and it took me all the way back to my life in middle school. I had so many flashbacks, so many beliefs that came into the forefront that were holding me back from going forward in my life. It was crazy. I hadn’t realized any of it before. I was shocked. I found myself marveling and crying. A shift was going in my brain as old beliefs were coming up and showing me the influence they had on my life up until this point.
Around that time, I got a flash of insight and decided to look up the Universal Laws. I had knowingly encountered some of them before (The law of rhythm, the law of vibration, the law of correspondence, the law of gender). But there were others that I had struggled with (the law of polarity, the law of belief systems). But as my beliefs and events that led to these beliefs continued to show up and to make themselves known, I found myself needing to make a change in order for me to go on. It was pressing. The weight of it all led to me doing a lot of confessing because the need to transform my experiences into light became imperative. I didn’t want to stay in the darkness of my comfort zone anymore and I had found a way forward.
I think God had provided that way forward for me many times but back then I was too scared to take it because I didn’t trust myself. Ideas like to go forward would mean that I would never find true love or that transforming one’s perception and to look at the good and the highest potential of oneself and others (as opposed to trying to keep a neutral air about everything) was to be delusional. Staying neutral was safe. Transforming, raising one’s vibration, branching out on my own, was not. But I had to take the risk. Staying in the ancient, familiar way of living and thinking and being became boring, cyclic (I kept thinking, “Ugh! I already know this) and the idea that “I can do better” just kept coming up. Surprisingly, the idea of trusting oneself hardly came up during that time and I think it’s because I had finally learned my lesson on that matter. It felt like a no brainer. lol
Nowadays, I pay complete attention to myself. I’m not really concerned with not finding things like true love (romantic love in this context), nor am I concerned about whether or not I’m crazy or if the world is crazy or if my spiritual growth is recognized and acknowledged. I know I’m a good person. I know that I belong here (even if I don’t always feel like I do). The most drastic change in my transformation has been that overnight, my desire for fast food and junk food turned off. I have an aversion to it (and get stomach cramps and diarrhea if I consume it) and prefer to eat fruits, soups, toast, bananas, and often only one meal a day. I drink a lot of water now. I take a bottle everywhere if I can.
Right now, I’m just enjoying this new phase of my life, taking it all in, and trying to learn as much as I can and share whenever possible.