As I work on my solar plexus, issues of my approval seeking continue to come to the forefront. Part of my discomfort with competition stems from this “need”. Am I a good worker? Am I doing a good job? Do my coworkers like me? Do my patients and their families like me? But I don’t enjoy the discomfort I feel from constantly giving my power away. I’d like to keep it for myself to channel into my own personal interests and accomplishments.
The way I envision it is that I continue to go on with my growth but to have more detachment from whether or not the people around me “like” me. I get now that I cannot rely on others to stick up for me and I know that not everyone is going to like me. But I can’t hide because of that. I know that a lot of this stems from my time in 2010, dealing with people that didn’t like me and cultivating this idea that ‘the nail that sticks out gets hammered” and having this fear and feelings of uncertainty as to whether or not I was “going crazy”. But I know I’m not crazy, I understand what it means to be a minority now, I see that different people come from different places and perspectives in life and carry different levels of understanding within them. I need.to cut. the cord.