Fear can cloud every single one of your chakras if you let it. It can destroy your creative power, shut you down and close you off from the Divine and from the world around you, play tricks with your mind, reduce your ability to express your truth, and distort your intuitive gifts. Fear is the ultimate boogey man.
Sophomore year of college was the first time that I came face to face with my raw fears. I was afraid of failing, I was afraid of going and being crazy, I was afraid of being wrong, I was afraid I wasn’t good enough, I was afraid of disappointing my family, I was afraid of old friendships falling away and never making news ones, I was afraid of experiencing racism. I was afraid of never falling in love. Most of those things turned out to be completely false. And the ones that were true? The moments when I was wrong, the moments when I didn’t meet the expectations I had set for myself? Those brief encounters with racism? Failing? They taught me balance, resilience, self-acceptance, boundaries, humility. People, sometimes we need to fail and we need to be wrong and we need to have those moments where we disappoint. May we never get so caught up in our own egos that we forget that we are human as well as divine.
I allowed that fear to kill my creativity in so many ways. For one, I stopped speaking. I couldn’t get my voice above a certain volume. I lost touch with myself. I stopped trying to cultivate authentic relationships with others. I couldn’t let my creativity flow. I’m finally breaking free of that! And it feels good! My voice is back. My writing is far more open and less tethered than it was 3-4 years ago. I feel alive again. But this time it’s so different. This time it’s not, “This is how life will be everyday!” It’s not an expectation. It’s not another form of escapism nor does it stem from this need to exert control over my entire life. It’s not clinging to something out of fear all over again, though I do admit I still get scared. It’s not naivety. I still have a mild form of general anxiety that originated my sophomore year of college. But I’m working with it. It’s taught me to let go. On some level I do appreciate the general anxiety that I’ve had to deal with these last few years because it’s helped me to accept that I don’t need to be in control of every single aspect of life. I don’t need to cling to some stagnant notion of existence and how it SHOULD be or is SUPPOSE to be. I don’t need to hide myself simply because others don’t see eye to eye with me. And I can be wrong! And I can be imperfect! And no not “imperfectly perfect” but just imperfect! and I can still write and live and be and exist and do and love. And not feel guilty about it (or not feel guilty about feeling guilty lol).
And if that’s not the greatest form of expression and creativity that this world has to offer then I don’t know what is.