It isn’t always true. My ego, the entity that says it’s trying to protect me, is really trying to protect itself. And it isn’t always true.
I was trying to protect my ego with the belief that nursing would require it. To protect myself from the harsh reality that is healthcare. Bullying happens, Bad attitudes exist, people get drunk with power. I was afraid. I didn’t want to cry.
Blog, but ive let go. I’m not perfect. I’m not saying in the future I won’t encounter a bad attitude or an unkind word or that those in healthcare won’t at times think me incompetent. I’m not saying I won’t make mistakes. I’m saying I’m tired of living in fear and clinging to my ego for protection from the unknown. I’m exhausted. Living with fear of some perceived threat and death is exhausting. And I’m sick of fighting with myself too. Controlling everything, trying to control everything and all of life and all that happens in my life is exhausting. It’s not real. It’s not even really in my control.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been yelled at by doctors and gotten attitude from nurses and pcts and managers alike and that was with my ego playing the role of body guard. Constantly trying to block and protect myself is keeping my from feeling a connection to everything else. I’m not perfect and there are some very noisy people in the world but I choose my heart.