I’ve decided that I want to change. I’ve been doing more self-examination and conducting more research as I work to become more confident and more authentic. I recently invested in a class on Udemy.com called “Double Your Confidence & Self Esteem”. One of the messages that stood out to me so far has been discussing the need to focus not on who you are right now but on visualizing who you want to be. I think that was a golden refresher for me.
Last year, I came face to face with the realization that many of the mistakes I made came from trying to emulate a woman who I met online. I wanted to be EXACTLY like her. She was exactly the person I envisioned myself becoming. From the way she spoke, the way she dressed, the way she acted, the kind of man she married, the values she carried and the way she expressed them. I wanted that for myself. And I think it worked in the beginning. However, as time progressed, I discovered that my experiences deviated from hers and I became disillusioned. Back then, I thought that my mistake was in emulating someone or wanting to become more than I am. So I stopped out of fear. After experiencing moments of rejection and setbacks in the prior years (which I now know were due to naivety and inexperience), I stopped dreaming and envisioning my life because I was afraid of failing again. To be honest, I don’t think my decision to stop emulating this woman was a bad idea, but I do think my decision to stop envisioning who I’d like to become was.
The reality is that as life presented me with new information, I was given the opportunity to change. But I think the route I chose to becoming the person I wanted to become required changing, not the image. Not if it’s what I really want to become. I no longer needed to emulate this woman, and still don’t. What I needed to do was continue to hold on to the vision but to allow alternative routes to accomplishing it to present itself. So with that, I’ve decided to revive the vision of what I am becoming.