Working in the NICU has been a rollercoaster ride for me, for sure. The last few months my self-doubt has been at an all time high. I question every decision I make, every compliment I get, every reaction or action given by my coworkers, family, and those around me. My sleep has been frequently disturbed. I’ve texted old friends to try and reconnect, I’ve ventured back to getting readings from a spiritually gifted friend.
Prior to joining the NICU, I went from reaching a level of almost complete confidence in the work I do and who I am, so much so that 2-3 shifts was enough for me to feel comfortable working almost anywhere with the adult population (minus ICU). Working in the NICU cut me down to size and made me feel like a new graduate nurse all over again. Needless to say that took a lot of energy out of me, especially because there was a part of me that didn’t want to return to the basics of life and learning again. It’s funny because my goal for this year was stress reduction/management, yet I found myself not only transitioning to a new specialty and patient population entirely, but also taking on the task of attending graduate school. In addition to this, I’ve added frequent workouts to my routine (spin class and body pump). In all honesty, I feel even less stressed than I did last year or in the years prior. While my difficult time on orientation and the frequent uncertainty of the NICU experience has caused me the most stress so far this year, I do feel as though my stress levels are becoming better managed and consequently reduced. I’m having fun in my life.
The thing I miss the most right now is good sex and an attentive partner. While I’d like my third eye chakra to open up in addition to all the other good that’s happened in my life so far, I want to make love. I actually miss it.