My third eye continues to close. I was told that it was because of fear that I carry whether conscious or unconscious. I was told that it had to do with 2 past life events, one related to suicide and another to servitude. In one I “saw” but didn’t want to “see” and another where I was punished for seeing. I was told that these experiences taught me that I needed to struggle to earn God’s love. Last year, while traveling, I realized that struggle is not necessary for growth and this changed the way I lived my life and perceived my connection with the Divine. I also resolved to trust myself completely. That said, I don’t think it stopped me from stifling a part of my spirit.
I know that some years back I began to have spiritual experiences that resulted in me “seeing”, “hearing”, leaving my body, and increased intuitive abilities like feeling and sensing energy. But it left me panicked. I wanted to control my changes and the fear of the unknown left me feeling anxious.
Last night, I decided to speak with myself and ask about the fear. I told her that I want to incorporate all of who I am. I wanted to know what the fear was. She told me. She knows she’s not in control of everything in her life. She knows that she couldn’t possibly know all the outcomes of her decisions. But she wanted to avoid the pain of traveling a less beaten path. She wanted to avoid the unexpected. She said she wanted to be more like the woman she had met, but since this woman had not mentioned anything like what she was going through, she tried to forget it. She liked being different, but not too different.
My wiser self told her that she has no clue what the outcome of everything she does will be. My wiser self told her that there was nothing to fear, only to understand. My wiser self reminded her that she was not and is not that woman she had met, the differences which became visibly apparent last year. My wiser self said that even if I was different from everyone I knew (something which I now know isn’t completely true), I’m still normal. I’m normal for me. My wiser self told her (now me) that until I accept the unexpected as normal, then my anxiety will continue.
I’m anxious. And I know I’ve been avoiding the present because in the present I feel things, I can sense energy, I can occasionally “see” (usually out of the corner of my eye), I “hear” things, and at times I get messages telepathically. My intuition is also stronger. But in the present, the unexpected happens, things I might not be able to control. I was trying to avoid it or control it, just as she was. Which is why I chose to turn back when all of these abilities started to emerge. I was scared, couldn’t find anyone in my life who could support me and guide me, and I was not confident enough in myself. I don’t want to go backwards anymore or run. And my third eye opening and remaining open is a part of it. But it requires that I remain present, in addition to being my authentic self and allowing myself to feel and not run from all the energies I detect here.