I learned long ago that there is no perfect man, perfect relationship, perfect house, perfect life. But for some reason, that never stopped me from looking for the perfect career or job situation. I think about the many times I’ve come home complaining about my work life and feeling dissatisfied with my coworkers, management, the patient population. It’s ironic because I have always worked in an environment and with a patient population that I wanted to work with. I chose med-surg with the adult population and when I became bored I chose a faster pace environment. After that, I chose to do travel nursing and I chose all the states I wanted to go to. And when I was bored with med-surg I chose to transition to Telemetry and then over to the NICU. All of which I got. In addition, I also got into graduate school, my first choice school. Nevertheless, I remained dissatisfied and panicked about work.
Yesterday, while driving in my car, I decided to have a chat with myself and with God. I told Him that I was feeling anxious because I didn’t know what to expect once I get to work and I will never know. I told Him that I know that I no amount of spiritual gifts can tell me exactly what’s going to happen at every minute of every second of everyday. I told Him that by grounding myself in the present that I can feel everything much more strongly and that I know I need to stop trying to control the future. I told Him that I know now that the unexpected is a normal part of this life and I accept it.And then a thought came to me.
There is no perfect job.
It’s as simple as that. When I chose to enter the NICU, I wanted a patient population that was less physically demanding. I got it. I wanted a population where the families were more grateful. I got it. I hoped for a better relationship with the doctors. I got it. When I chose nursing, I wanted a job where no matter where I went, I would have a job. I got it. I didn’t want to work 5 days a week but I wanted to make a full salary. I got it. I wanted job flexibility. I got it.
Sometimes, my coworkers get on my nerves. But mean people and assholes are everywhere and in every profession. I wish I had less paperwork. But I work in healthcare and paperwork is a part of the job. Patient’s and family members can get on my nerves sometimes. But what can I say? This the population I chose to serve. And I
used to get anxious, very anxious, when I don’t know what kind of patient is going to come through the door. But I won’t always know and sometimes things happen unexpectedly. That’s not just the nature of my career, it’s life. It’s how things go that, “until I learn to accept the unexpected as normal, I’d always feel anxious.”
So, with the realization that there is no perfect job, perfect anything in this life, I’ve chosen to ground myself in the present and listen to the inner messages I’ve gotten so far.