As you know, I’ve been meditating a lot more to find my center. I wrote in my diary about discovering my need for meaningful solitude and grounding in my life. What I didn’t expect was discovering in myself my own innate desire to slow down even more, to disengage from the hustle and bustle, and to enjoy a life that is unhurried and eclectic, without labeling myself as lazy for walking my own path and going at my own desired pace.
Grounding means that your spirit is anchored to your physical body as well as the Earth. While attempting to Ground, I was asked in meditation if I wanted to be here. This has always been an obstacle to my grounding, allowing myself to be fully present on Earth and connected to my own body. Answering this question took time for me. As I explored the question, I found that what came up in me was the idea that Grounding meant disconnecting myself from my own Spiritual growth and losing touch with that connectivity to the Divine. Greater still was my own innate fear of experiencing the pain and discomfort that often came from being present and acknowledging the energies around me. Nevertheless, what I realized was Grounding would allow me to do something that I have wanted to do for a long time: reconnect with myself, and would help in reintegrating myself mind, body, and spirit as a whole. Many of us know that it was our choice to be here. Not many of us know that part of Grounding involves some level of wanting to be here. So I wiggled my toes, explored my soul, and discovered that I do want to be here, even if I didn’t want to be in my present situation. I also saw that my present situation was a choice I made, whether conscious or unconscious that I could change.
Through frequent/consistent meditation, I found that what I needed (and what I’ve denied myself for so long) was meaningful solitude. What does that mean? It means taking time away from all of the noise of my daily routine, the hospital, coworkers, workplace drama, and family to sit and look inward, to write, to observe, to pray. When I look inward and ask myself what really matters to me, it’s not work, it’s not money, it’s not coworkers or work place drama, or whether or not I’m liked or “productive”. I’m aware of what my ego mind says, “What would happen if I didn’t tell you all the things you have to DO?” But what I found was the desire to go at a slower pace, to truly take time to savor life, to enjoy it, all while undergoing my own transformation.
I just want to do what feels right in my heart and soul.
Sometimes I think that if I could go back and redo life I’d come back solely as a freelance writer because words are my chosen form of artistic expression. I currently lead a work life that I’d like to walk away from. I can’t take anymore noise. I need peace. I dropped down to part time work recently but my soul would like to leave the hospital setting altogether. I can’t take it anymore. Everything in me as been pulling away from it over the years and now I find myself on my last leg as my soul continues to want to move away from the crazy and towards the beauty and solitude of doing only what feels good and right in one’s own heart. I’ve asked God about this. I’ve meditated on this. It truly is time to close the door on this chapter of my life as I continue on in the process of Surrender.
My heart and soul currently choose to walk a path that may be deemed A Life In the Slow Lane.