I’ve been gone for a while because I’ve been trying to come to terms with what I am again. It’s an ongoing process but I’m 26 years old and feel as though now is the time to come to terms with myself in this grand scheme. I quit my job in the NICU over an hour away and took a job closer to home working only PRN (as needed for my non-nurse readers) for a time to recover from my burnout and possible anxiety and depression. I vowed never to work in that institute again as it’s the only organization I’ve attempted to run from…twice. Slowly but surely I’ve been reconstructing my life, removing those things that make me unhappy and replacing them with peace and joy and love. With the encouragement of my boyfriend, I took a risk and bought myself a puppy. He’s a Shiba Inu puppy, the breed I’ve wanted since I was 19 years old. I adore him although I’m not sure how much he adores me. lol He’s very independent-minded and dominant. But I can tell that he has begun to warm up to me and it makes me so happy to come home and see him jumping, ears bent back, tail wagging and happy to see I’ve returned.
Currently, I’m broke. That’s not my dilemma though. My degree and the shortage of experienced nurses available makes it so that I can work pretty much anywhere. I’ve never had a problem getting hired. My dilemma is that lately, I haven’t wanted to work anywhere. In most instances, I haven’t really wanted to work at all. That’s a dilemma for me because I want to move out now. I’ve finally reached a point where the thought of living at home for even another two years has become unbearable. And it doesn’t stem from hate. In general, I care about my family. It’s just that I’ve come to accept that in many ways I’m different from them. Quite frankly, I just want my space. I just want complete control of my life.
So this is what I’ve been working with as of late. Figuring out how to move out and into my own space for my own development and happiness.