Today I learned that one of the reasons i binge on junk food in order to cope with my own emotional discomforts. Something(s) in my life have been or felt out of my control. There’s been things in my that I truly wanted and while I did everything to try an get them, I didn’t get them. As a result, I Binge on junk food to cope with the sadness, pain, and discontent of those unfulfilled spaces in my soul. I feel like my boyfriend is ignoring me, I go out and buy junk food. I’m sitting watching television and boredom overtakes me, I grab a burger. I’m sad, I go to Wendy’s and get nuggets. Stress? Junk food. Lonely? Junk food. Empty, heavy calories to fill me up when I feel hollow inside.
Today, I chose to eat only when hungry. Today, I chose to listen to my body and eat when it told me it wanted to eat. I was surprised because today, instead of having my first meal at 8 or 9am, I had my first meal at 2pm. I tried a square of my boyfriend’s maverick &pizza, a chicken caesar salad, with 1.5 chocolate chip muffies and a caramel iced latte with skim milk from Panera and a piece of bread. How did I feel afterwards ? Content. Satisfied. For dinner I shared a chicken caesar salad and a piece of bread with my boyfriend and drank a cup of water. I felt satisfied then too.
It was quite an eye opener when I realized that I’ve been attempting to bury my emotional discomfort and trauma with food. It never occurred to me that instead of trying to eat away the pain, sitting with it and allowing myself to listen to the messages my body was sending me would be a better alternative. It had never occurred to me that I used food in that way until now.
I wonder what other messages my body has for me…