After my experience in counseling, I learned to create a permeable bubble that allows me to keep my “stuff” separate from other’s “stuff”. This has been good for me as I work to untangle myself from my family. At first I felt great. I felt lighter and freer. I felt happier. Then, I started to encounter my own stuff. The stuff that originates from the mind.
One of the things I’ve noticed since allowing myself to untangle is the judgement I place on myself. I can be very hard on myself. I bash and chastise myself whenever I make a mistake. The other thing I noticed about myself is the need I feel to control everything. This need to control everything shows up in my shoulders and in my body as tightness. It’s like I’m clenching down trying to hold something in place that wants to move. I’m trying to control it and keep it tightly down and in my control. During a visualization exercise in which we work with imagery, I saw myself holding on tightly to a tree as I tried to brace myself from getting blown away by a very strong wind. Then I heard in my mind that I’m not in control of anything. My shoulders hurt as I clenched even tighter to try and hold on to the tree branch that is rooted deeply within the ground. It is unmoved by the strong winds that blow in its direction.
Lately, I’ve found myself getting present. In the present moment I feel awake and connected. However, not long after I feel gripped with fear. I feel like something is in the room with me. My mind starts racing and I think that if I don’t spend time in my head thinking, trying to control what likely could happen, I’m not doing the right thing. I am whisked away from the present moment again. Anxious. Scared. Not able to focus or regroup.
I talked about this experience in counseling. This fear that creeps in after finding myself fully in the present moment. What is the fear? I have a lot of curiosity surrounding it.
As a natural born empath who works in the hospital, I’ve learned that it’s important to cut cords and clear energy. We are all naturally connected to one another, however cords, similar to that of the umbilical cord that connects mother to baby, sometimes are created between us as adults. These cords are used to drain energy from each other and can take a toll on one’s health. As adults, we are capable of drawing on our own strength and inner resources for sustenance; thus, ideally, there is no reason to drain energy from others. In the past, I would go to a psychic who would cut up to three cords per session and tell me what the underlying cause of this was. However, as I’ve become more in tune with myself, I’ve found that it’s possible to cut my own cords.
I actually came upon this discovery by chance while reading Dina Glouberman’s books. She talks extensively about visualization and imagery in shaping, coping, and changing one’s life. Not long after this, I was reading The Michael Teachings information found on their website and they talked about cutting cords and clearing energy and mentioned the use of imagination, which is working with visual images or feeling) to help complete the task. I decided to give this a try.
Closing my eyes, I saw myself sitting cross-legged with numerous cords coming out of me and reaching to others. There were already a couple people I had in mind as those cords felt stronger, were active, and felt larger to me. I could feel their pull as well as the emotions, drain, longing, or even desire to pull away that these cords elicited from me. The other cords, I knew, were created more from my time in the hospital or from people I might’ve known or connected with at some time prior. But now, in my mind’s eye, I could see them. Many of the cords were thin and dark and when I cut them they snapped like twigs. I then visualized a warm yellow light shining on the areas where the cords were cut for healing and then I visualized a warm greenish-blue light covering me and used this light not only to further heal but also to protect my energy going forward.
After completing this process, I began to feel lighter and more relaxed. I could no longer feel the drain or the pull from the active cords and I feel much lighter as a result of dropping the inactive cords. My shoulders loosened and I no longer felt the extensive drain I did before from many of the active cords. That said, cords do grow back and so I’ve found it helpful to do this process maybe two times a day. It truly helped and my mind feels clearer and my body much lighter.